life...

Sometimes, i just felt, am i too hard on myself or him??What i'm aware of is that, life's hard on me..We are different from every aspects.A girl should always be treated right and a guy should always do the right things?am i wrong to judge him when i first met him??or was it just fate that we are together...?

Sometimes i do think about this,"is this really through love?" or is it just plain normal feelings of caring for someone? i do, i do love him. but there's just alot of things that are not clear in my eyes...The way you care for me just differs from any other guy that i knew.You never did try to think of ways that will prove to me that you really love me....look at me now???why am i feeling so misery?why am i even crying out loud here when u don even care about me??when all u think about is yourself?why ain't u stopping me when i hurt myself?is that how u prove me right when i say u don love me??how could u say i'm crazy??yes!I am crazy, crazy over u, trying to figure out how we could make our love stronger every single day...but all u do is to say i'm self-centred, crazy and don't care about u...but if i don't care about u, y do i bother to talk about us???why do i want to be with u...i admit that after 3 years plus, i loved you. my feelings for u couldn't change but, i never liked u.i know it's complicated but my feelings for u are still here in my heart, but i never liked u for who u are now...y do i see all this negative things about u when i actuali love you??

Do u know that now i'm stress and confused over everything that's happening to us?first we're happy and the next moment we're not. and i never failed to not cry everyday.

when u say u wanna break up, for once i thought it was true, but the next moment u said it was out of anger that u said it. but now, how wud i know whether u really wanna break up or not?
I don't want a break up, and i will never want it.it's hard to leave someone that you had loved so much and definitely it's not a good feeling....

I swear to God that i don't want to break up wit you. I dont want to find other man..and i don want to lose u...but, y do u have to hurt my heart?and you never fixed the broken pieces. u never did. all the shwit words that cmes from u now, i don noe whether it's true or not..

If i could have one wish, i wish i could hear what you are feeling. To hear u tell our love story, our ending.our 'happy' ending? i wis i know what you are doing right now, so that i know whether are you being loyal and honest towards me........

and ya, u said i have no life....yes, i have no life....YOU are my life...... Now that i don't know what i should do, i could just reflect....i don know whether should i tell u that i love you or just break up with u since u said, u don't want me anymore.....


now that u called,what more can i hope for....?it's not about the scars that have been there since i met u but it's about curing it....u let the scars be abandoned and u never cured it instead u let it carry more weight. u let me drowned in the water for as long as i can hold my breath. for real, one day when i'm gone, don't u regret letting me suffer my whole life with u.

when people are in low mood, do u think that straight away they can just suddenly be in good mood??i don think so. .u alredy did something good and u let it turn out bad again. i've had enuf. u think what's right for u urself coz i always did help u think what's right for u but u just don appreciate it.....

Now and then...

Life should be a time that you have to enjoy BUT not forgetting why we livethis life....

I was wrong about my relationship. Though i thought that everything was going great for me, it's been hard...things got too complicated ad hard for me to accept the fact that life = learning a lesson!

The happy thing that happen to me last few days was about this good fren of mine during my school days..let me call him Mr X. the most memorable thing that i never forgotten about him was the time when i diden sleep one whole nite just talking to him. We were honest to each other when we said that we like each other(mayb he forgoten) and we understading that we are not fated to be together as lovers but good frens.Therefore, i concluded that he was my first male best friend! tat's what good thing. he loves to joke around and playful. But this was in the past. Time passes by and he and me, we never got closer, we lost contact suddenly and you know, some things are just not meant to be doNE.He got his own problems and from then on, i never contact him only remembering him as a fren, indeed, a good fren.

So, i met him sometime ago and was so shock!i went silent for a few seconds and BLOOP! hey!!!how are u???and tats al i said. i diden get to say much because i was still shock by his presence..u noe, i've not met him or talk to him for like 5 years??totally silent by the shock! then, i met him on frenster. definitely i miss him rite???5 years was long enough for me to have gotten married!but definitely not with him rite??(of course lah with my hubby.)ok...we commented each other and all but, that's all. so, it's just a connection through internet. not by chatting on msn, not by talking on the phone, and don even think of meeting him and chitchat.

This was wat happen. Some people just don know how to MYOB(mind your own business) and trust me, i'll never forgive him because i've help him before in his relationship and k=now, he tried to ruin my relationship!let him find out himslef. u don need to tell him idiot!

Tat nite, hbby calling me and sc0olding me about the comment i left for him.

Listen here k hubby if you're readig this...

"I dgn die hanya setakat kawan dan i rindu die macam i rindu seorang teman. i rindu die macam i rindu faz, macam i rindu zma, macam i rindu seorang teman. i was just merely telling him tat it's been long since we talk to each other and it;s been 5 yeARS.He usd to my best fren. i use to admire him, yesh. it's the fact but itu dulu. I dgn die dah ckp dah, cear tings up that we might like each other but, we know ourselve that we are not meant to be together infact, just friends. you have ur life, and i have my life, so be it or not, we're just frens and not more than that. That is what in my mind faham by...i tak salah kan u over this matter. I salahkan myself. Pasal i create this misunderstanding between us that i said "misses from izyan".....u get what i mean.....tat was all. I'm sori for saying that but, have u ever thought why i berani accept his comment then?letting everyone see it??definitely it was because we are just frens and not what you think. if i was having any kind f relationship that is more than just frens, why would i even publicise his comment????u get it??i would i even let people viewing my profile to read that comment???u get it?tell me, who doesn't know that i alredy got a bf???u tell me now???i "showcase" u to everyone i know and almost the whole world know it(that's a lie) but y, all my frens know it. why would i want to show a bad impression to people by tunjok kan tat "eh, izyan mcm bitch siak, dah ada matair pon nk megatal"...u crazy???who ever who knows me well, definitely know the FACTs about me. You get me now?? you're everything to me...remember what i always say.."you're my boyfriend, you're my bestfriend, my brother, my sister(if u want pon can lah), my enemy, my bitch, my basterd, my rainbow, my EVERYTHING!and most of all, you're my life!"

Don even think of me and that Mr X because if u were to think that way, you're a disgrace to my level of standard of picking up guys as my bf. why would i choose him, a fren over u, my bf???

So by, don underestimate me. i'm not what u think i am."

Yap...so that's what happen to me. I'm sure if you were to be in my position, you would feel the same. Take this as a learning point and prevent the worst from happening.

and yap, i'm craving for curly thick eye lashes for this hari raya...

I love you all...

*my life*

k...me and bf been doing great lately in the month of fasting. Alhamdulillah, Allah maha kuasa, maha penyayang...Bahagia kan kite berdua walaupon there are small problems that we face, but still manageable.

Wat i'm stressing about rite now is money matters, sleeping matters(schooling matters), Lappy matters, friends' matters.

MOney --> out of cash to celebrate raya....baju raya pon takda...ask mum, "kau pergi lah mintak bapak kau"...enough! i had enough of asking from my dad. He already gave me an allowance of $100 which $50 are for my mrt consession. Hp bill being cut off ($2++)...not working anymore....and so...wat do u expect??i shall wait for that lucky day when money falls down just like rain...

Tired of school. every single day i drag my feet to school, somemore fasting month(not actuali because of tat lah)...jst uncomfortable....always been having late nights(I can't sleep, i need sleeping pills)....Wake up morning, canot wake up, late for 4 days straight...

Laptop need upgrading...can u believe my ram is only like 200++MB???unbelievable rite??wat to do??free laptop wat....well, i need upgrading asap. Being in STA, Sonic arts need alot of these sound generating softwares.lol. Nak jadi sound engineer mah...must lah sacrifice money to upgrade but, still thinking because i thought of BEGGING my mum or my dad for a new laptop...While this laptop can be a PRESENT for my sis.lol. Hopefuly, i'm able to achieve tat.

Finally, friend matter. I don't know y i got friends who doesn't even treat me like a friend, instead a stranger.(too much negative attitude is it?)...don ven reach there to having true friends. I go to school alone because some people just don like to go with me...Go back home oso alone because???no one cared rite. being in rp, was the worst scenario. I don even have one good fren who's willing to be my FRIEND!!hemm....y ehh???m i tat attitude??i'm always consent. i do msg or msn. but some people just ignore me...when i do a good deed, people just like thank u, leave n go...k, maybe i was a bit anti-social. but come on, who doesn't when u're embarrased of wat people think of u. I don even know if anyone is even reading my blog. Well, the purpose of having this blog is to expres my feelings, so, ok...i don need to have everyone in the world to be reading my blog. people might just think tat i'm crazy. kk, enuf of tat.

Wat i want to achieve is to have good friends. I don't like having friends who come n go...i need one rite now. I don mind if she's busy all nite as long as she wants me to be part of her life....(smiles) life is great, even greater if u have good friends, moreover, true friends.

To whom they think that they're friends of mine, if i did hurt ur feelings ever, i'm sorry for all the bad things i did that make you dump me out of ur life. i need a change, i need a break.(can someone pls say, "have a kit kat?")

I love you....whoever you are.......in my life........

E25G and bf attachment

I would say, new class was still ok lah....cause i still have debbie, yi wen, jiyun and etc?
There's fin, elvin tat i noe. Elvin was somehow the first malay guy i know on my first day of school, STA freshmen camp....While fin, me and bf always passes by him and we would always call him DANIEL, u noe, tat malay band tu..hahax...Last time in my class, with rendy and all, fin always came to my class, and because i was the juara for one of the shows, he noticed me and said i got a nice voice.(well, thank u)(i'm not trying to be arrogant here, it's basic courtesy..)

However, not much interaction with the classmate. Fin too..he diden talk to me...well, wat to do...i'll start to talk more after bulan puasa..lol....fasting month would rather be a good month to be silent, as in be humble lah. Don;t be so kecoh, later people pon don't like...

Enough of me...

Now, bf had been in attachment at Tuas area, at Mencast. Trust me, it's hell.. I pity him sey...2 guys got this attachment, him and Qam...now, Qam got fired and left with bf alone. Pity bf. Mana taknye....bf's the only malay guy working there. All chinese plus banglah...but sometimes mayb he's part of the banglah...haha...(hubby, baby just kidding) lol.....

Well, his boss had been trying to find his mistakes too trying to fire him too. Well, too bad, bf react fast and follow my advise. Be strong cause Allah always there for you. Everything that happen in life will always have a reason behind it. Now, he left with 2 months. Ada ke patut his oss told him to wash the toilet if u want to work here????crazy rite....??Ni lah, work in a chinese company, they are TOO BIASED AND RACIST. If more singapore companies are ike this, i would never want to live here although it's the safest country in the world!(sigh)

But too bad, bf react fast by telling his school teacher who's in-charge. And try to threaten him if he bully bf again, bf's parents goin to complain to MOM. GooD!

I'm proud of u hubby. Worries off my shoulder!pwwt!u just be patient there. Lagi 2 months rite??i'l always be there for u k babe!! i love you!!

KK....next post...

*Happy 3 years anniversary sayang*22-07-2008*

All the hard times that we had together,pays off. although we may not be the most successful couple ever but we still can make it the best or the sweetest ones ever.

Having you is an homour because you made me to who i am today. I would say that i'm not that girl whom you first met e. i've changed either better or worst, it's because of you.I change for the better and i prevent the worst from happening. I', happy with the progress i made(if any) because of you. I'm loving you forever.

You've been a big help to me...We're more than just a friend, more than just bestfriends, more than just boyfriend-girlfriend.....we're reaching to the level of "THAT".....i know for sure, this is just the beginning....and i hope there's o ending so as we will be able to ive live happily together forever.

In bad times, you're always there, in good times, you're always there too. we both share the joy together and we shae the sadness together(erm....i should mayb think again)....

Remeber those times when i had my ex...and you had your ex....wow!!!both of us were so like decent, we were rebellious...ahax....met you the first time when you were heartbroken with your ex(seeing her with some other guy) while me....(ahah!!!met up with my sis coz she ran awaay from home rite???)....remember those days....it was like love in first sight...it took you so long to message me to start off by being friends....1 week to 2 weeks knowing you, (i'm so bad) broke up with my ex, for YOU.....met up with your ex, crying infront of you in my presence..(you're so bad too))wow...i'm sure we're suitable but i guess, now...you're the bad one and i'm the good decent girl....huhu....

remember that first kiss???haha...well, listen here all...haha...i was the first one to make that move back then...Zaimi doesn't know how to start the first move!!!!hahax.....

sweet memories that i will never forget in my life is being with you....you've been the best of me...i love you....hope that after all this 3 years together will make us more SOLID lah kan...haha....

k done!!

*that gig*12-07-2008*

boyfriend was away for two days and me was left alone to the max....conflict with his parents...and this is not the first time..in summary of the conflict, she accused me of being a wrecker, a family wrecker...!!!hemm....wat should i react then????two words combine to one....a BIG "WATEVA".....well, "if you don't like me, tell me straight to face...lets see if your son is able to be this good again. before he knows me, life was rebellious and defiant...but look what i've done to your son now ok!!!"....

dah, dah....i'llstop.....i don't know if i'll be happy marrying off his family but i know for sure i'll be happy marrying him off alone without his family...(i know i sounded evil but, be in my place and you totally will understand it)

Ok2....stop here....yap...misses boyfriend lots...ended up buying a top up card for him but wasn't acessable there!!!had to wait for him to kol me like at night and that was like what???a minit or so...

Yap....straight to the point...went to the gig at skate park....all was grat...there was erm....decent child, one buck short, etc lah kan...got free picks!!!2 of it...haha....met up with zma, the camera girl, the best fren, the guyfren, the best fren(opps!!faz).....kak huda, hanis, sufi, etc2.....the gig was great and gues wat...happens that it was preview natinal day thingy..say the jet planes making heart shapes....so cool....if only oyfriend was here would be like so romantic....*kisses*

well, here it is then.........pics............

k done!!

*Kak suzanna wedding*20-07-08

Sorry if too much of myself...hahax....lots of exciting things happen there. The day before, i did my hair...look!!!!it's pink strains of hair....yeah!!love it like hell ya!!!me and my sis were like crazy...we use the witch hat that my sis got it for my nephew...hahax...and me with that punk rockish look with that volcom star belt and the witchy hat...hohoho!!!

My sis did her hair, and cut her fringe...haha....well, i wonder if anyone will mistaken me and her....who is younger and who is older.....hahax....i wanna look more like a big sister then...haha....

done!!