Life's not getting better...

irritated and annoyed sad and dissapointment

how can i put it???i thought i would be hapier by now....but i just don't....
bf finish school at 11++am....if he misses me,like always, he wud be on the way to my school. i asked him out for lunch but he doesn't want it...sad....he would always not reject me to have lunch with him but he now does...(people do change....probably he is just tired of having lunch with me....would rather have lunch with someone else) and the reason he gave was....."i'm tired...."
how can i say that i'm angry at him since he had already scolded me like hell to not be angry at him...well, as reflected on the rules that i have made for myself..i'm not suppose to be angry at him for wateva reason so long as he's happy and i'm not...u noe....i just don't know how to control this feeling....i just feel so heartbroken and ike my mind is not at ease...y is that so???
disapointed that my own bf not willing to do anything for me rite now???
u noe, if no one's in this class, i just wish i cud cry rite now???cos i think i i cry, atleast i did express my feelings and don't need to hold on to it till like when??nite???

i'm so like dissapointed now...
Changes i could see in him(VERY CRITICAL)
- don't care about my feelings
-don't care about my thoughts
-don't care about the priority
-don't care about me like he used to.......
my heart, my soul and my life...
i'm having a headache now....(pls stop thinking about this pain)
been doing all the soul-searching all this time....

i'm just left with nothing other than listening to all that he have to say..
I'll stop being EGOISTIC....
Now i noe how it feels like to do what he have been doing for e all this time....listening and following whatever i have to say...being scolded by me..hearing me calling him names...stupid..idiot...sial....haiz....WhAt A ME???!!!

i realise that maybe i was too over-protective, over-the-limits....
no wonder he wants to leave me......
hemm.....m i tat bad???

u noe...i just feel like ending everything...

he told me to call, i just avoid him by just msging him...i'm too tired of always having to realise what mistakes he did to me.


why am i like this???why can't i be like any other girls who is enjoying their lifes...
Freedom is really not my TYPE....but being loved and loving someone.....living with the boyfriend is my kind of thing....
Since i was in sec 4, i 've been relying on my beloved hubby....how can i just end it like this...


what more can i do....???think about it...think....(ahhhhhh!!!!!!!)
i'm almost giving up.....
cannn i???

i'm stopping here...

tat's all folks...

2.34pm